At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
