Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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