and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
