I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
