Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
