When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
