Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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