i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
