i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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