I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
