I met the friendliest cop last night
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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