Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
