apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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