My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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