I must be too annoying 4 u.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
