So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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