I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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