i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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