Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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