There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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