You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found the puke drawer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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