nut hugger
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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