I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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