Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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