i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
