i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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