dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
