i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
