i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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