The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
