let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
