i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
