i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
