Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
