I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
