I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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