The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
