Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just invented taco cereal.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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