hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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