I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
