Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
