Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
