And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
