O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
