$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
