I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
