In America we eat man semen.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
