I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
