Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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