I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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